Six Records of a Floating Life (Chapter one: Wedded Bliss 07)

    I am by nature unconventional and straightforward, but Yun was a stickler for forms, like the Confucian schoolmasters. 

    Whenever I put on a dress for her or tidied up her sleeves, she would say "So much obliged" again and again. And when I passed her a towel or a fan, she would always stand up to receive it.

    At first I disliked this and said to her, "Do you mean to tie me down with all this ceremony? There is a proverb which says, ‘One who is overcourteous is crafty.' "

    Yun blushed all over and said, "I am merely trying to be polite and respectful, why do you charge me with craftiness?" "True respect is in the heart, and does not require such empty forms,” said I, but Yun said, “There is no more intimate relationship than that between children and their parents. Do you mean to say that children should behave freely towards their parents and keep their respect only in their heart?"

    "Oh! I was only joking,"I said. “The trouble is," said Yun, "most marital troubles begin with joking. Don't you accuse me of disrespect later, for then I shall die of grief without being able to defend myself. " Then I held her close to my breast and caressed her until she smiled.

    From then on our conversations were full of "I'm sorry's” and "I beg your pardon's." And so we remained courteous to each other for twenty-three years of our married life like Liang Hung and Meng Kuang [of the East Han Dynasty], and the longer we stayed together, the more passionately attached we became to each other.

    Whenever we met each other in the house, whether it be in a dark room or in a narrow corridor, we used to hold each other's hands and ask, "Where are you going?" and we did this on the sly as if afraid that people might see us. As a matter of fact, we tried at first to avoid being seen sitting or walking together, but after a while, we did not mind it any more. When Yun was sitting and talking with somebody and saw me come, she would rise and move sideways for me to sit down together with her. All this was done naturally almost without any consciousness, and although at first we felt uneasy about it, later on it became a matter of habit. I cannot understand why all old couples must hate each other like enemies. Some people say, "If they weren't enemies, they would not be able to live together until old age."Well,I wonder!

    On the seventh night of the seventh moon of that year, Yun prepared incense, candles and some melons and other fruits, so that we might together worship the Grandson of Heaven in the Hall called "After My Heart." I had carved two seals with the inscription “That we might remain husband and wife from incarnation to incarnation." I kept the seal with positive characters, while she kept the one with negative characters, to be used in our correspondence.